Guess what? There’s a blog post due today that has to begin with the letter J! I’ve been doing so well so far to get these out. Usually I get them done on Thursday night so they’re there and waiting all shiny when Friday comes. Well, not this time, but, at least it’s not late.
This is a bit of advice I need to give to myself, strongly. I often have that lack of spoons thing going on. It’s all too easy to blow things off, even good things, things I know are helpful. Last night, after a day of frustrations and running around and slightly sore muscles from exercising the day before, I got in my bedroom and turned off the light. The darkness seemed so welcoming. Then I remembered the habit I’d gotten into, and I knew if I started blowing it off, I would have a reason to not like myself later. I sighed and grumbled and turned the light back on. Then I picked up my copy of the Coffin Texts and I read a few spells, mentally welcoming my akhu to come and listen. See? That’s it. That’s my akhu thing, my only akhu thing. I already stink at ritual. This only takes a few minutes. There is no great preparation involved. I can at least do that. But boy, that darkness was tempting me to go straight to bed right then.
This morning wasn’t much better. The sun woke me up an hour before my alarm was set. It’s just a thing that happens. The rising sun stirs up my energy whether I want it to or not. Some mornings are nice and comforting. Some mornings are rough. This was a rough one. I had Djehuty standing next to me, talking me through relaxing and helping the energy to flow smoothly. My plan was to go back to my Sifu’s Tai Chi class, after being gone for too long. I really didn’t feel like dragging myself there. I even thought I heard a voice tell me “Don’t go.” I suspected it was a false voice. I dragged out my cards and double checked. The cards talked about laziness and friendship. So, yes, I went. I was glad I did. Tai chi helps with keeping my energy balanced, but it only works if I actually do it. My Sifu was at an appointment this morning, but his senior student, a guy who actually reminds me of Djehuty, was teaching the class. He has a quiet and soft demeanor, and a keen eye for the physics involved and the minor technical details. Some of those details were helpful today. They were things I either forgot, or didn’t know, or that have been altered as my Sifu learned more himself. It was also nice to see people I haven’t seen in awhile.
You see the tag line up at the top, “Slacker Kemetic?” Some days that fits me more than others. I’d like to prove it wrong eventually. I’m just not cut out for ritual, but there are other things I can do, other things I am doing. Some days the spoons really are gone, but I need to watch myself so I don’t get in the habit of acting spoonless when I’m not. I will keep my cards handy for those moments when I’m not sure if I’m BSing myself or not.