About a week and a half ago, I had a meltdown. I stayed awake most of the night with Ra, alternating between begging for help and cursing everything. It happens. Instead of getting angry, Ra had Djehuty examine me. The Master Physician said , “Uh, oh.” I had started taking everything too seriously. I became hard and brittle. Instead of bending, I was on my way to a break. They decided that it looked like a job for my Beloved, Sobek.
Sobek did what crocodiles do. He dragged me to the bottom of the river and left me there. I wasn’t allowed to do anything that resembled work while under his care. Any time I started getting anxious or uptight, he would tell me to give it to the river.
Normal me hung out around the house, played games, and watched movies. I did actually get some house and yard work in, not because I “should” but because I was bored and needed something to do. I didn’t touch the public blog (here) and I didn’t touch the faience. I didn’t do any ritual at all.
Spirit me was stuck in the river, slowly decomposing like Wesir. The hardness had to be made soft again. When you give to the river, water replaces blood. Mud replaces flesh. You are not made smaller with the giving. The sunlight was pale, green, and cool. Everything I worried about was far from my grasp. I had occasional moments of anxiety and restlessness, but Sobek’s low voice would return and remind me to let the river keep it. I often had impressions of him swimming close by, keeping watch over me. This went on for a few days. I started to resemble one of those undead pirates of the Caribbean.
On the morning of Wesir’s birthday, there was nothing left but bone. I wasn’t in the water any more. The sun rose, and there was no way to hide from its brightly intense rays. At first I was a little scared and angry that I had nothing to fight back with. No way to protect myself. Then I saw blood vessels form over the whitened bone. Slowly, the flesh came back, brand new. Exhausted, I fell back to sleep. I had confusing dreams that seemed to be filled with gods in disguise. I saw my dead father in one of them. Happy birthday, Wesir!