I don’t talk very much on this blog about what I actually do. The day to day working of it is both very personal and somewhat repetitive. But I have been feeling stifled lately by the lack of telling.
I do journey work mostly. I take a little time before sleep to relax my mind and go elsewhere. My home base on the other side is an apartment. It’s on the second story of a building that overlooks an old city square. There’s a park across the street. My futon bed is in the back corner. There’s a modern kitchen, and a dining table that is always stocked with food and drink. There’s a white couch where I receive guests, a shrine, and a computer. Recently added are rows of shelves with many small statues on display.
After getting stabilized at the apartment, getting cleaned up and changing clothes, I fly to Ra’s boat. There’s the deck, where sometimes I fight the snake. Ra wanted to test me, and the method I use in battle says a lot about my state of mind at the time. It rarely goes the same way twice. Behind a canvas curtain is his office. It seems dark in there. Beyond another curtain is the “sun room” which he only invited me to enter after he felt I had passed his test. Is the sun actually in the sun room? I’m not sure. It’s too bright to see much of anything. I’ve had tea with him at a table in there.
A little more than a week ago, he had me stand before his court. Gifts were laid at my feet, those statues I mentioned earlier, from various gods who wanted to show their support. I’m not a dummy. A gift is an expectation of a two-way exchange. Ra has trained me not to blink when gifts are offered.
There’s this thing I do in the morning when the sun rises. I’m also an energy channeler. When the sun rises, especially if my shields are thin, my energy heats up in response. It happens whether I’m consciously thinking about it or not, whether I want it to or not.
The next morning, I went to the apartment as the sun rose. I stood in front of the windows as I felt the light enter me. I tapped into Heru and the light magnified to where I was starting to push my limits. I wanted to kneel on the floor, but I wondered how that would look to the assembled statues. I think I ended up on the floor anyway. After awhile, it leveled off again. I looked around. The apartment was filled with light. The statues were taking in their due.
When I close my eyes I can feel the connections I’ve been building over the last month or so. They support me as I support them. I used to have connections to the land and land spirits here, but that didn’t work out so well. The circle wasn’t complete and I exhausted myself. Ra has been teaching me about the balance of give and take.
And then there’s Heru. I rarely talk about him, because he’s something entirely different to me. A couple weeks ago I had a minor illness, probably a virus. Djehuty and Sekhmet were tending to me when He walked up. He had no form that I could see. He felt dark and deep. “Where the hell have you been?” I asked, my foul language masking my intense relief at seeing him again. He wrapped me in his embrace. It was dark like space and so large I couldn’t see the other side. I felt his sadness over days long past, but beyond that, there was peace. He told me they were just passing clouds. I should not hang on to them.