I drifted out of the dream to find that my energy was beginning to stir. We’re doing this now? It’s still the middle of the night! Eh, whatever, I thought to myself. I lied there for awhile, soaking in the pleasant warmth as the pressure built slightly. A few minutes later, I opened my eyes. Light was creeping in around the edges of my thick, dark curtains. Oh, it is morning, I realized. I spent the next hour drifting in and out of sleep as my energy did its thing.
I got up and got dressed. I also slipped on the visor that shines bright green light in my face and makes the world look slightly purple. I got it in November. I think it might be helping with the SAD, maybe. One of the cats heard me moving around, and she started meowing at the door. I let her in and scritched her back. The second cat came in and was going to sneak up on the first one, but I let him know I was watching him.
I came out into the living room. The dog was happy to see me. I put him outside. Next to my desk, the betta was almost as happy to see me as the dog, but I knew it was all about the food. I sprinkled a few pellets into his tank. Then I went into the kitchen to make the magic brew: espresso, sugar, cocoa powder and cinnamon. While that was brewing, I went outside and fed the birds. They were all lined up along the wall waiting for me. I let the dog back in and fed him too. I didn’t feed the cats. That’s my daughter’s job.
Finally, I got to sit down with my nondairy mocha and my breakfast. Normally, breakfast is dry cereal or fruit flavored oatmeal. I’m lactose intolerant, and I don’t like the mushy texture of cooked oatmeal anyway. Today, breakfast was a cookie. I’m not always good. From there, I checked out the blogs to find out what my friends have been up to. The visor timed out about then. My husband and daughter started moving about that time too.
That’s a pretty typical morning. Twice a week, I teach a tai chi class at a hospital-owned gym. There’s no class today because of the holiday. Before my mom had surgery, I took her with me to the gym so she could get some exercise while I taught. I haven’t had much luck getting her to take my class, unfortunately. Her knees would have been in better shape if she had, but that’s family for you. After that, we used to go out to lunch together
and undo all of our good work. When her knee gets better, we’ll probably go back to doing this. Next week, she will start physical therapy and I’ll drive her to that.
In the afternoon, I homeschool our daughter. She does Khan Academy for math, and she enjoys being able to choose for herself what to study. I’ve been having her read Life of Pi. We do some workbooks, and sometimes watch science movies. My husband has been helping her build a trebuchet from a model kit. No, she will not be firing it inside the house! Learning to play the guitar is also on the list, and sometimes there is soccer. I also get her to go for walks with me down to the park when the weather is nice.
My husband is also at home. He’s a disabled army veteran who has issues with chronic pain and PTSD. He doesn’t drive. We’ve been happily married for thirteen years. On saturday night, the kid goes to grandma’s and we either go out to eat, often at the Greek place, or have home made pizza, or roasted artichokes at home. Then we snuggle on the couch and watch all the violence, smut (HBO shows), and Dr. Who that we avoid when the daughter is at home. The family that geeks together stays together.
I’ve been trying to get them in the cleaning habit lately. I set the timer for fifteen minutes and we each have an area to work on. I’ve also been trying to get myself to do more walking. I got some of those “five finger” “toe” shoes over the holiday. It’s like walking barefoot but without worrying about jabbing stickers in my feet, or risking burns when the weather warms up. Being barefoot changes the way you move. We always recommend minimalist shoes for tai chi anyway. You should be able to feel the way your feet interact with the ground.
I need to do a better job of carving out regular time for the faience. I’ve let it fall by the wayside this winter, between winter itself and being busy helping my mom after surgery. God needs more art! Art is what survives through the years.
There are a lot of things I’d like to do, but I’ve had this chronic fatigue thing going on for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t qualify as depression as much as it used to. I’m getting better about that. Low energy doesn’t mean I have to feel bad about it. Ritual is such a low priority that it fell off the list. I check in with my gods regularly, usually every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. I try to integrate their offerings as I go through the day by trying to live in Ma’at and being the kind of person I think they’d want me to be.