The Voices in My Head

Or, How To Godphone

I am a skeptic. I’m also a wooist with a godphone. I don’t particularly like calling it a godphone, but the word gets us in the same ballpark quickly. This makes for some strange goings on in my head. How do I make peace between these two seemingly opposing viewpoints? If I were to answer that question as a simple how-to you might believe that I have solved the problem once and for all. It’s more like standing on a see-saw. Sometimes it tips one way and sometimes it tips the other. Sometimes I stand precariously in the middle with my arms waving around in the air. This is balance?

A reasonable person might say that I’d be better off abandoning one side or the other. I often think that reasonable people are wrong. Both sides serve a purpose. Both sides fulfill a need. I need to be grounded. I need to hold up a mirror, yardstick, or measuring tool of choice, to make sure I don’t get too lost in my wanderings. I also need magic. I don’t know why that is true, but it is. It has been true since I was little, and it is still true. Without the having the magical press in at the edges of my daily life, everything feels flat, I feel flat. Either way, I feel lost.

Do I believe in the gods? Yes. Also no. And yes. I talk to Them nearly every day, but I’m not always sure that I’m hearing correctly. I know that they don’t naturally speak English and everything is passing through my own filters. Most of the time I’m assigning words to vague impressions, feelings, images, and energy flows. How much of that is me and how much is them? Occasionally I get the “wrong note” vibe if I mess up terribly, but most of the time the subject matter is not important enough for them to bother correcting my faulty translations.

If anyone claims to have a 100% static-free godphone, my inner skeptic will raise an eyebrow and go “Uh-huh, riiight.” Maybe someone out there does have such a thing. They would truly be a rare unicorn if they did. I still probably wouldn’t believe them.

Am I making it up? Possibly. Maybe. I’m not sure. (Why should I believe you’re any different?)

For this reason, any godly messages that come through are judged based on their own merits, rather than by their source. Heck, gods can say stupid things too. Kemetics don’t believe in omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent, beings. The gods might have a perspective that we lack, but even then, they’re not perfect. If it sounds like good advice, take it. If it sounds totally stupid, don’t be afraid to say so, to yourself anyway. Don’t be a dick to others. If the gods really do mean it, they will probably repeat the message, or hit you over the head for ignoring them. This is normal. I believe that the very best spirit-workers are those who are the biggest pains in the gods’ asses. At least I hope so. I know that I’m a big PITA.

For your own use, it may be helpful to try to discern which messages are important, and which are just fooling around. I give idle chatter with deities a low confidence rating. I like idle chatter because it forms more of a social bond and makes me feel more comfortable in their presence. However, it’s not really a good medium for life changing epiphanies to come through. Most of the random chatter does come from my own filters and is not important enough for them to correct any mistakes I might have made in understanding.

Other communications feel different. They hit harder and are more clear. They have an intensity to them that normal chatter doesn’t have. Occasionally, they bypass the filters and use actual English words. For me, these words come through very clearly and reverberate a little. They do this very rarely, and when they do it, there are few words. Too many words and you won’t remember later.

Most of the time, actual communications are somewhere in between those extremes. There are feelings behind the words, but the words are still run through my filters. We may go back and forth on various concepts to make sure I’m getting the right idea. Even then, I might just be getting a simplified version that is close enough for their purposes. They seem to like using analogies to explain more complicated ideas. I have to understand that it is an analogy, or a symbol, and try to get at the meaning behind it. I also understand that the more I know, the better chance they have to utilize symbols that I can comprehend. Having a godphone doesn’t mean that you don’t need to know your stuff. The more educated you are, not just in the relevant history but in many different subjects, the better your chances of getting a good interpretation.

In other words, when it comes to godphones, your own or anyone else’s, you can’t take everything literally. Questioning does not mean you lack faith in the gods themselves. It means you recognize that communications with deities isn’t perfect. Humans aren’t perfect, and neither are gods. Translation errors can, and do, creep in. Common sense is still required.

Separation of Heaven and Earth

That sounds like a chi gong. It probably is one. I have chi gong on the brain because I just came back from a review of the workshop I went to last month, but I left early. I did the chi gong, but I left before the push-hands. My childhood asthma decided to visit me this morning. Trying to focus chi enough to move another person is difficult when chi is disrupted from lack of breath, and when focus is shot by albuterol induced jitters. I wasn’t sure if I would even go to the review, but I went, and it was worth it even if I didn’t stay. I have a stack of DvDs now to review on my own time.

So, what do I mean by separation of heaven and earth? Well, my spirit side has interests and priorities, but so does my human side. Those are often compatible, but not always the same. I had been treating them as one thing. This became a problem when it seemed like I’d want something one day and then lose interest the next as one side or the other gained prominence.

This morning, spirit-me was ambivalent about going to the review. Who cares in the long run anyway? The body just wanted to rest. But then there was that other part that has put in a lot of work and who thinks that proper chi gong practice can help pull the rest of me together, not to mention seeing some old acquaintances again. So I went. I’m glad I took a moment to ask all sides. Maybe I’m getting some first hand experience with the Kemetic idea of the various parts of the self. I’m not completely confident in assigning the terminology to it. I might be wrong about how I’m interpreting them. Was this a case of ba(soul), versus ha(physical body), versus ib(heart/mind)? When we got to the push-hands, ka(energy/unseen body) was all “You want me to do what? You’re funny. Go home now.” I think that the concepts of chi and ka are closely related. Regular practice of the chi gong would probably improve the condition of my ka.

Remembering to ask the various parts before making a decision seems like a good idea. Mob rule doesn’t work out all that well in practice. If I had just gone with the majority, I would have stayed home, and my ib would have been unhappy about it. Hearing each voice, determining priorities, and negotiating if necessary is a better way.

Divine Interventions

I have a new puppy sleeping with his head resting on my foot. I suspect that he was brought by the gods as part of their ongoing campaign to get me to calm the heck down. I was going to get an older dog, like a year or two. I didn’t think I wanted an untrained chew monster in the house. My daughter insisted on the puppy, and then quickly found out that a puppy needs a LOT of attention. (Oh, so when I said that puppies need a lot of attention, I really meant that puppies need a lot of attention? Who knew?)

So, he’s mine now. He sleeps in my bed. I take him out at five in the morning to make sure I don’t wake up to a puddle of piddle. I’m more concerned about getting him to stop licking and pawing my face, to stop wandering around the bed, and chewing on the blankets, and going to sleep, than in brooding over the usual things I brood about before sleep. I know a lot of people say you shouldn’t let them sleep in the bed, but, I kinda like it. My old dog used to sleep with me. My other dog is too big for that, and I’m mildly allergic to the cats. I think I’ve been interventioned.

Your argument is invalid, brain. I have a puppy.

The tarot cards continue to tell me that everything is wonderful, but my attitude stinks. They’ve been saying that for a long time. I’m not sure how to unstink it.

Aset has been trying to tackle that project because she knows all the dumb tricks my brain tries to play. Ra is great and all, but he doesn’t understand humans all that well. She told me about purity of the heart awhile back, to experience everything fully in the moment, and then to let the moment pass. That helps on the emotional side. More recently she talked about the mental side. She said I should let my thoughts rest gently like a boat upon the waves. I don’t have to know everything that’s going on under the water. I just need to relax and get a feel for the currents such as they are. I have to trust that the water will be water, and I don’t need to tell it what to do.

Those both sound very simple, but they’re pretty challenging in practice. I’m working on it.